In a previous article "HIV: Have we Become Complacent about HIV/AIDS in the U.S.", I stated the following statistics from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) latest research:
According to the latest statistics on HIV in the US...
- More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 5 (18.1%) are unaware of their infection
- Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men (MSM),1 particularly young black/African American MSM, are most seriously affected by HIV.
- By race, blacks/African Americans face the most severe burden of HIV.
Figure1: Estimated New HIV Infections in the United States, 2010, for the Most Affected Subpopulations (from the CDC website).
As Director of The Kristen Center, a not for profit charitable organization focused on delivery programs and services to those with HIV and those who care for them, I have made it a point to join several of the HIV groups listed on Facebook to try and take the pulse, so to speak, of what those with HIV are saying, what those who hope they are helping those with HIV are saying - to learn the terrain of HIV Discussions today.
Recently I came across one group which is doing wonderful work in creating an environment where individuals share their story about discovering they are HIV status and then going to share how they are dealing with their new status in today's world. I cannot say enough about groups like this one. It allows those with HIV take ownership of their illness. It is only through owning our HIV will we help ourselves and others overcome it.
Yet there was one posting recently that gave me pause and great concern. It was the story of an young woman who thought she fell in love, had sex with a man one night (unprotected) and became pregnant and HIV+, only to have the man she thought loved her, leave. Later in her story she shared a lot a resentment and hatred toward this individual whom she believed gave her HIV. She started warning her friends of this individual. Toward the end of her story, she shared that received one day a call from the local police department asking if she wanted to press charges against the man she suspected gave her HIV. Apparently the man confessed that she was one of his unsuspecting sex partners he did not inform about his status. She said yes, then started to explain the stress of that decision and how she feels better knowing this individual was sentenced to up to 4 years in prison. This was only possible because the man wandered into the police station with tremendous guilt and explained he was having unprotected sex without telling others his status.
Though I think for her this story was cathartic and I think for her it was good to get it out on paper, I had concerns about this story actually being posted in a group publicly, but actually highlighted as the top story. Looking at the story again, I discovered that she admitted she was not sober when she had sex. She did not mention that this was the only man with whom she has had unprotected sex. This means that though the man confessed he was positive and had sex with her without telling her his status, there is no way to prove that this man who was sentenced under one of several states' HIV criminalization laws, was the exact man and they her strain was the exact strain that he has. My concern is not that she shared her story, but there was no warning about the dangers of trying to know by whom and when exactly a person contracts HIV.
In my experience, and through training and education programs on HIV and HIV Prevention, there is only however, there is always that 1% chance you might. The only way you absolutely have NO control of having unprotected sex is either receiving a rufy and/or being raped against your will - this applies to men as well as women. Yes men can be raped against their will by other men.
One way to guarantee that you will not get HIV - Don't have sex. Become celibate. Beyond that, even using safer sex practices, condoms, dental dams, water based lubricant, there is no way to guarantee 100% that you will never contract HIV. Using safer sex practices, you can diminish your chances to about 1% to 5% chance that you will contract HIV. In other words, you can be 95% to 99% certain that you will not contract HIV from a positive sex partner.
So my concern in all of this is: the young women in the story looks at herself as a victim because she believed the guy she met and chose to have unprotected sex with 1) loved her; 2) assumed he would not have sex with her if he were positive; and 3) admitted she was confident of her free will and educated choice to have unprotected sex with him even when she was admittedly under the influence. Therefore, she believes herself to be a victim and the culprit she help put in jail. Wrong.
First, you cannot be a victim of a sex act you willingly participate in. If the other person tells you he or she is negative, and you decide to have unprotected sex because he or she told you their HIV-, then it is not their fault if you become HIV+. There is nothing preventing the other person from lying to you. Even those in a committed relationship for years, still lie to each other. So unless the sex act was a result of you receiving a rufy and being taken advantage of or that of being raped against your will (believe it or not there are some who enjoy the role play of rape - hence I mention "raped against your will"), ultimately it is YOU who is responsible for whether or not you become HIV+. The unfortunate story the young woman shared believes she was a victim and the man convicted was the man that infected her. Again this is a wrong assumption. If he had not confessed, there is virtually no "practical" way you can determine it was this or that particular person who gave you HIV, unless you are a virgin, or celibate up to that point - and let's face it: most of us - in fact very few of us, will be in the position of never having sex before. Please don't misunderstand me. It does occur, but these days it is a rare occurrence.
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Second, many states have enacted "HIV Criminalization Laws" which make it illegal for a person who knows he or she is HIV+ and has sex with another person without proper notification to their sex partner of their status. When these laws, mostly created by conservative legislatures out of fear, were first created, they were thought to help reduce the incidence of new infections by unsuspecting victims by forcing people to be responsible, get tested, and tell their status before having sex with their partner. The laws have actually done the exact opposite. Instead of encouraging people to go out and get tested for HIV, it has actually decreased the rate of individuals getting tested (even anonymously) for HIV. Its not because they intend to purposely infect others. It is because they know that if they don't know they are positive (in other words, don't know their HIV status), the laws state that they are NOT responsible for the other person should the other person become HIV+. Another reason for this law being ineffective is that it does not take into account human nature. No one, especially on a first date, or even their long time companion, wants to admit to the other they are HIV+. It implies that they are promiscuous (which this too is a wrong assumption). Just because you are HIV+, it does not mean you have sex with anyone. It simply means you have an infectious disease of which the other person needs to be aware. When have you have had your partner tell you before you had sex with them, "oh by the way I had crabs"? Never right? Of course. You'd bolt before they other person even got their shoes off.
I think that many of the groups on Facebook and other venues encouraging people to tell their story about how they contracted HIV (or think they did), and how they are doing now is over all a positive thing. It helps chip away at these stigmas incorrectly attached to having HIV (like HIV+ is a sin or HIV+ means you are promiscuous or HIV+ means you are irresponsible). Ultimately the decision to have sex never carries with it the assumption you will contract a potentially deadly disease. But then again, no one wants to admit they are HIV+ to anyone. So for them, its better not knowing so they can't know if they are hurting another person.
Groups need to help their members understand that blaming others for their own choice to have unprotected sex (exceptions noted earlier), does them nor their sex partner justice. In fact, just like the HIV criminalization laws, by allowing stories where others are blamed for the cause of their HIV status does the exact opposite of the groups desire - to eliminate Stigmas of HIV. These stories where others are blamed for "my" HIV status, actually promotes being HIV+ means you are promiscuous. Groups must encourage those who are HIV+ to take responsibility for their status. Being HIV+ is NOT as sin. It does NOT necessarily mean you are promiscuous. It is simply a disease which can be transmitted during sex. We must be responsible and always use safer sex practices, if we chose to have sex. This is a policy that I believe every HIV group should promote. It does no good to blame others, who we can never legally prove (and even medically prove to a certain extent) that a particular person is the one who gave us HIV. How you got HIV doesn't matter. Admitting that you have it and getting treatment does.
We all have to act as responsible adults when it comes to sex these days. If you don't know your status - go get tested and find out! If you are active sexually, and don't always use safer sex guidelines and tools, then you should get tested at least every six months, then start using safer sex practices. If you ARE HIV+, don't have sex with someone until you inform them of your status. Give someone else the courtesy you may or may not have been given. If you are HIV-, ask your partner first their status. If they state their status is positive, you have a choice of walking away, or having sex using safer sex practices with the understanding that no safer sex practice guarantees that you will
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| www.hivtest.org locator.aids.gov |
HIV is no longer a death sentence. I cannot state that enough. Believe it or not 30 years after HIV hit the US, there are still those who still believe that HIV = death. And many of these individuals have advanced degrees! This simply is not true today. HIV is a chronically manageable disease when treated early (before symptoms), can help avoid the damage HIV would do if you ignore the disease all together, don't get tested, and wind up in a hospital with severe symptoms. If you wait till this stage, when you have a CD4 count of 10 and a viral load of 500,000, damage may already be done to your body like your nervous system (peripheral neuropathy can be a common occurrence in those who wait to get treated after symptoms of HIV/AIDS appear - it is can be a very painful condition which could require long term pain management along with your HIV medications). Avoid the damage HIV might do and get treated early.
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| Be Empowered - Know your Status www.greaterthan.org |
So as you consider HIV... If you find out you have HIV... What will you tell yourself? What will you tell others? Are you a victim? Or are you taking responsibility for your own choice to have unprotected sex which may have led to your contraction of HIV. It's not the other person that needs to get tested before we have sex with them. It is us that need to get tested before we chose to have sex with another person.
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| www.thekristencenter.com |
Brother Jeff is also author of his blog “Following My Calling” (http://followingmycalling.blogpost.com). You can reach Bro Jeff on his Facebook page at http://www.fb.com/brojefferywolfe, on his Twitter page at http://www.twitter.com/RevJeffWolfe or through the “Contact Us” page on St John XXIII Pastoral & Outreach Center website (http://www.stjohnxxiiipoc.org) or on Skype at “rev_jwolfe”. You can also write Bro Jeff at rev_jwolfe@stjohnxxiiipoc.org, rev_jwolfe@thekristencenter.com or at revjwolfe@gmail.com.
In addition, Rev. Brother
Jeff Wolfe is the Director and Administrator of St John xxiii Pastoral & Outreach Center (POC) in Indianapolis, IN. It was founded
April 4, 2011 in Indianapolis on the East-side in Irvington. Bro Jeff attends
seminary as a third year student at St. John xxiii Theological Institute
enrolled in the Master of Divinity Program. As the Director of the St. John
xxiii Pastoral & Outreach Center in Indianapolis, Bro Jeff serves
Indianapolis by offering a Progressive, Vatican II Independent Catholic parish which
offers communion, hospital visitation, shut-in visitation, prayer groups, RCIA,
weddings and funerals, and other traditional liturgies associated with
Catholicism.
St. John xxiii Parish denies NO ONE for ANY reason from receiving the Holy Eucharist. ALL are welcome at our Mass regardless of status (divorced, single, married, gay, straight, bi-sexual, trans-gendered). As an ACCUS church, we believe as Pope John XXIII did that Christ died for all, FOR ALL. Our clergy hold valid Holy Orders eleven (11) lines of Apostolic succession (Duarte-Costa (Roman); Utrecht (Roman); Milingo (Roman); Greek Orthodox; Russian Orthodox; Albanian Orthodox; Coptic Orthodox; Cyprian Orthodox; Antioch Orthodox; Reformed Episcopalian; and Malankara/Syrian/Jacobite (Orthodox); as our sister Church, the Roman Catholic church holds. Consider joining us. Contact Bro Jeff at rev_jwolfe@stjohnxxiiipoc.org or go to the "Contact Us" page at http://www.stjohnxxiiipoc.org/. You can also visit St John XXIII POC at their Facebook page at http://www.fb.com/StJohnXXIIIPOC or on their twitter page at http://www.twitter.com/StJohnXXIII.
St. John xxiii Parish denies NO ONE for ANY reason from receiving the Holy Eucharist. ALL are welcome at our Mass regardless of status (divorced, single, married, gay, straight, bi-sexual, trans-gendered). As an ACCUS church, we believe as Pope John XXIII did that Christ died for all, FOR ALL. Our clergy hold valid Holy Orders eleven (11) lines of Apostolic succession (Duarte-Costa (Roman); Utrecht (Roman); Milingo (Roman); Greek Orthodox; Russian Orthodox; Albanian Orthodox; Coptic Orthodox; Cyprian Orthodox; Antioch Orthodox; Reformed Episcopalian; and Malankara/Syrian/Jacobite (Orthodox); as our sister Church, the Roman Catholic church holds. Consider joining us. Contact Bro Jeff at rev_jwolfe@stjohnxxiiipoc.org or go to the "Contact Us" page at http://www.stjohnxxiiipoc.org/. You can also visit St John XXIII POC at their Facebook page at http://www.fb.com/StJohnXXIIIPOC or on their twitter page at http://www.twitter.com/StJohnXXIII.
