I began, finally, to see how my UMC experience from Sunday School, to serving as the Youth Pastor, to becoming Roman Catholic and learning about my personal faith development all came together. It all started to make sense. God wanted my attention and he got it by landing me in a hospital literally on my death bed so he could show me what he can do even with me, a gay man, perform a miracle – saving me! A simple unknown soul to 99.99999% of the world. I couldn't believe it. It was all in a plan. God began to help me differentiate the nuances I saw and felt between UMC and the Roman Catholic Church.
United Methodists are taught that when they have communion, it is a symbol of Christ's body and blood, but in no way represents the actual body and blood of Christ. I supposed this goes back to the broken line of succession when John and Charles Wesley appointed unordained ministers. As a Roman Catholic, I believe in the actual body and blood Christ resides in the host and wine once consecrated by the priest during mass. The unbroken line of succession allowed this to happen. That was the difference I had felt. That was the spiritual connection.
As a United Methodist minister, I would only celebrate communion on Maundy (Holy) Thursday and special occasions. And when I would celebrate communion, it will be only a symbol of the body and blood of Christ. As a Catholic, mass is celebrated every Sunday. Through the power of ordination of the priest (and the subsequent unbroken lines of succession), the same power Christ gave to the Apostles, which is conferred upon the priest so that as priest he may ask God through transubstantiation to have the wafer and wine become the actual body and blood of Christ.
That was the difference I felt between Catholic and Protestant denominations. The unbroken lineage (through the laying on of hands) conveying the same power Christ conveyed to the Apostles. I now I had my answer. I knew where I needed to become a part of Christ's church. With the Catholic faith I believe in transubstantiation. That made all the difference in the world to me and my personal faith. After God literally pulled me back from the grave in 2003 when I was in the hospital, and after the doctor could not explain medically, logically or scientifically why I was still alive, I knew I had my answer. A miracle of faith had occurred. And with that miracle that science cannot explain, how can I not believe in transubstantiation? Much like St. Elizabeth Ann Seton when she converted to Catholicism, three things made a difference in my decision to serve the ministry as a Catholic – the Real Presence of Christ in the consecrated host and wine, Devotion to the Blessed Mother, and the unbroken lineage back to the Apostles. So now I knew within which church I would reside. It would be with the Catholic faith.
But not with the Roman Catholic faith, but an independent Catholic church called the American Catholic Church in the United States which stands to embrace all of Vatican II and as John XXIII understood, realizing that the church is open to all who come, regardless of their station in life. Even today, the Roman Catholic church will not allow professed gay men be accepted into seminary. What if the potential seminarian they turn away because of a disease, becomes the next Thomas Aquinas or John XXIII or John Paul the Great? Most of the great saints have not been without their own cross to bear at sometime in their lives.
I have seen how God can use even me, a gay man, with a chronic, manageable illness, to serve the needs of others. John XXIII said that when he looked at the crucifix and saw Christ's arms wide open, it was an invitation to all – ALL – people no matter what their station in life to come to Him and his Father.
This his how God has brought me to the point of applying to ACCUS. I realize that this was probably way too long, but for me it truly has been cathartic and given me the ability to allow the episcopate and Admissions committee to truly get to know me a little, even before meeting me in person.
Stay Tuned....
Peace,
jeff
